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Am I the one in control?

I feel like I’m a fairly stable person. I have good days and bad days like everyone else, but I’d like to think that I’m pretty low maintenance, emotionally.

Yesterday, however, I was dealing with some pretty crazy anxiety. This was brought on by a number of things, including, but not limited to:

1. Whooping Cough
2. Budgets
3. Potential campus violence. I’ve been updating our emergency materials as a member of the crisis management team and even talking about this stuff is scary.
4. Really uncomfortable shoes (I actually went home and changed.)

All of these things were absolutely out of my control (other than the shoes). I hate that. I pride myself on being organized and forward-thinking enough that I can typically at least have the illusion of control.

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I knew my anxiety was getting bad when I ate breakfast foods for all three meals yesterday.

1. Oatmeal for breakfast
2. Breakfast burrito for lunch
3. Peanut butter banana toast for dinner

(Also, note the fuzzy pajamas and slippers. They didn’t seem to help.)

I had trouble sleeping last night. I just couldn’t stop my brain.

Have I mentioned my New Year’s resolutions?

1. Tweet. This is more of a work resolution, but I need to figure it out personally before I start adding this to our social media menu.

2. Don’t say negative things about other people in front of my kids (or student workers).

3. Be consistent with my daily devotion.

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And so I read this:

“It is not so much adverse events that make you anxious as it is your thoughts about those events. Your mind engages in efforts to take control of a situation, to bring about the result you desire. Your thoughts close in on the problem like ravenous wolves. Determined to make things go your way, you forget that I am in charge of your life.”
― Sarah Young, Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence

He is in charge. He. In charge.

I’ve gotta remember that. And believe it. And live my life as such.

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Because if He’s in charge of #’s 1-3 above, then I can work on managing my children who think it’s hilarious to trade shirts…

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